


The Sense Of Hearing

by mvernet



Series: The Five Senses [5]
Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Established Relationship, Love, M/M, Oral Sex, Sentinel Bingo 2018, The Five Senses Series, Thunderstorms, Trust Issues, Wolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 08:15:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14052750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mvernet/pseuds/mvernet
Summary: Jim and Blair go camping to reconnect after Carolyn nearly rips their new relationship  apart. They find that spring can be a tempestuous time in the wilds of the Pacific Northwest.Prompt: ThunderThe Sense Of HearingPart Five of “The Five Senses” seriesSentinel Bingo 2018Slash Card





	The Sense Of Hearing

Part Five  
The Sense of Hearing

Jim curled defiantly in the covers of his bed, his satin sleeping blindfold still in place. He listened to the rapid clacking of Blair’s keyboard coming from his old room. They shared Jim’s big bed every night, but never got around to moving Blair’s personal things upstairs. That was another thing that made him fear that Blair was just biding his time till Jim did something that couldn’t be forgiven.

They both had the day off, the first of their spring vacation. A backpacking trip was being planned entirely by his partner and Jim was grateful that his lover had such a forgiving nature and didn’t hold grudges. But Jim could tell that Blair was more subdued than usual and definitely holding back his enthusiasm in bed.

Jim closed his eyes even tighter under the blindfold. A familiar pain burned in his chest. He had hurt his guide terribly by believing he had cheated with Caro and Jim had been walking on eggshells since, hard work for a guy who was used to clomping around in size twelve army boots.

Jim heard the soft rustle of the cotton tee shirt and flannel pants Blair had worn to bed last night, then a slight cough. Jim immediately checked Blair’s vitals. He was healthy again, over his ordeal with Brackett. Jim could not feel the same. He still was hesitant in bed with his beautiful lover, desperate to pleasure him and make him feel loved and sated. But he wasn’t able to top him even though he was experienced and Blair was willing. They didn’t talk about it, at least not yet. Blair seemed satisfied to take it slow, but Jim didn’t know if he could ever have Blair that way without the spectre of Brackett’s torture ruining what should be an almost spiritual experience. Jim listened in again. Blair was in his socks, padding towards the kitchen making coffee. 

Jim pulled his covers back over his shoulders not wanting to face the day. He usually loved camping, but this trip had a shadow of fear hanging over it. He had told Blair he had free reign to test his Sentinel abilities, to ask him questions he would answer, and to talk about his trust issues. Jim knew he loved Blair, but as usual for Jim Ellison’s partners, love wasn’t enough. Jim feared Blair planned this trip to soften the inevitable break up of the partnership. He buried his head in his pillows, knowing the blindfold would absorb any stray tears that he couldn’t contain.

“Nano,” Blair spoke at a normal volume as he opened cupboards and clanged pots and pans. “I know you’re awake. Come on down. I have a lot to tell you and we need to get ready for our trip.”

Jim briefly smiled, the noise of Blair making breakfast comforted his heart. Blair was just terrible at endearments, but nano, the Quechua word which roughly translated to most beloved brother or friend, was his best try yet. Coming out of his cocoon. He removed his blindfold and slipped out of bed blinking. He grabbed his robe and listened while his Guide hummed as he cracked eggs and whipped them with a fork.

Jim came up behind Blair and hugged him, resting his chin on Blair’s shoulder. Blair never stopped cooking, but turned his head just enough to kiss his Sentinel’s cheek.

“Good morning, nano. We have a busy day ahead of us.”

Jim snuggled closer. “I like that endearment. I love you, Blair, with all my heart. You know that right?”

“Aww, Jim. I love you too. Go get your coffee and sit. I’ve got some English muffins in the toaster.”

Jim reluctantly removed himself from Blair’s back and reached for two mugs. “You making Sandburg egg muffins? I love those. You got the Black Forest ham?”

“Yup. You want baby swiss cheese on yours?” Jim kissed Blair’s lips in passing making him chuckle. “I take that as a yes.”

“Fully loaded, honey. I think I’ll need my strength today.”

Blair waited till after breakfast to fire up his laptop and show Jim his plans. “I made reservations and got permits to backpack in North Cascades National Park. They have lots of different areas for camping. Family areas, with full amenities and more rustic campsites for experienced campers, but I thought we might like to get totally away from people and hit the wilderness trials that are only accessible to hikers. It will be a little different from our fishing trips, we’ll have to leave the truck at the park’s main office and only bring what we need in our backpacks.”

“Sounds good, Chief. I don’t have to fish everytime we go camping. Anyway this time is your call. I meant that.”

“Thanks, man. It should be beautiful this time of year with spring wildflowers and wild animals with their young. We may see bears, elk, mountain goats, even grey wolves and eagles.”

Jim was enjoying the enthusiasm in Blair’s voice.“Hiking would be good for a change. I could do with some fresh air and exercise. You sure you’re up to it, Chief?” Jim reached out and rubbed at Blair’s neck, feeling the tight muscles there.

“I’m fine, nano. I want to be out in the fresh spring air. We can take it slow if we want. I don’t want to attack this vacation like a marathon. We’ll have plenty of time to relax and talk.”

Jim felt a spark of fear in his belly. He wondered what sort of talking Blair had in mind out in the wilderness. He hoped they wouldn’t be talking about whether or not Blair could put up with an aging, balding, cop with trust issues. 

~~~***~~~

Jim and Blair were experienced hikers and between them they had all the equipment they needed. They both had good quality framed backpacks and Blair had an excellent backpackers tent just big enough for two. Jim had a small but efficient medical kit, and foul weather gear for two emblazoned with Cascade Police across the back. They only needed to bring food and water for five days. They were packed and ready to leave before dawn the next day.

They checked in with the Ranger at the main office, filling out some emergency forms and giving the serious minded man their itinerary. They listened to a short safety lecture about wildlife, food storage, storms and first aid. They were given maps of the trails, small compasses and safety whistles. The local weather forecast for the next five days looked like it was going to be perfect weather, temperatures were even a little warmer than usual, which was great since spring nights in the mountains often turned chilly.

Jim had turned his gun over to the Ranger who locked it up for him. He felt a little strange without it, but Blair assured him that he needed a break from his responsibilities as an officer of the law. 

They headed out on the Thunder Creek Trail which would loop around and have them back to the ranger’s station within the time they allotted themselves even if they spent a whole day relaxing. Within a few minutes they were pointing out birds, plants and postcard perfect views to each other as they walked along.

The first part of the trail felt like an ancient convention of trees. Jim and Blair stopped to admire the moss covered girth of some of the biggest pine trees they had ever seen. They stopped for a short rest under a huge specimen that made them both feel like boys in an enchanted forest.

“How you holding up, Chief?” Jim couldn’t help but listen to Blair’s breathing and heart rate. 

“I’m fine, Jim. We’ve only been walking about three hours. Everything is so gorgeous, I never noticed the time passing. Anyway, you monitor me so much you’d know before I did if anything was wrong.”

“Sorry, Chief. It’s really a habit now. The sound of your heartbeat brings me such peace.” Blair leaned over and kissed Jim long and passionately. He ended up in his lap with his arms around his neck. “I love you so much, nano. It feels so right being in this forest with you. I keep having visions of us as Upper Skagit warriors, out patrolling our borders, Guide and Sentinel.”

Jim smirked and readjusted Blair on his lap. His little anthropologist was unaware at how much Jim loved him sitting in his lap. “Upper Skagit warriors? Is that the name of the native people who lived here?”

“Yeah. What a wonderful place to live, huh? I mean they used the water pass Stehekin which means ‘the way through’ to trade with other tribes and all this bounty of wildlife and fish were theirs. They moved south by water in the fall and returned to this area in the spring. If I’m lucky I might find some artifacts. They have found many fire pits and stone tools in this area.”

“Ah. So now I know why I’m alone in the backcountry with you. You want to look for spearheads.”

“Jiiiiim,” he whined. “The Upper Skagit peoples were very peaceful, salmon and small game made up most of their diet. They used obsidian a kind of volcanic rock that is as sharp as surgical steel when slivered to make tools and knives. They must have traded for it because it’s usually found in Oregon. I don’t have an ulterior motive, I just love being alone with you. Of course if I happen to find an ancient stone.hearth…”

“... I’ll be eating trail mix alone while listening to you have an orgasm over a rock.”

They both began to laugh and Jim did some minor tickling of Blair’s ribs to keep it going. They ended up exhausted and laying side by side on the fragrant, earthy leaf cover of the forest floor. Jim wrapped his trembling arms around his precious friend and buried his head in Blair’s hair, listening to his steady healthy heart.

“Hey,” came a soft inquiry. “What’s wrong Jim? You seem so… anxious. Do you think I’m still mad about Caro?”

Jim buried his head deeper into Blair’s shoulder. He wanted to say nothing was wrong, but Blair’s voice made him want to tell the truth.”Yeah,” he whispered. “I can’t do relationships, Sandburg. I’m damaged somehow. Everyone leaves or I leave them. Or I push them away… like you. You deserve someone to love you who doesn’t have trash bags full of emotional crap weighing him down.”

“Too late, Ellison. I love you and you’re stuck with me. I never loved anyone before. I’ve never really had a home before or someone who wanted to love me back so much it’s killing him. Did you think I brought you out here to dump on you or break up with you?”

“It had occurred to me.”

“You are such a dickhead. Don’t you see that you can’t lose me? I’m hip to your shit, man. I know you. The real you. I know about your past and your quiet despair. I know how much you love and how little you get back. I know your fears and your issues. And you know what?”

“What?” Jim whispered his eyes closed as he listened to the best man in the world talk to him.

“I don’t give a rat’s ass. You love me. You’re not perfect and God knows I’m not perfect. But to my thinking love trumps fears and trust issues and insecurities. We created love between us and that’s beautiful, man. That’s all I need from you, Jim. Come on, I want to set up camp on this spot on the map overlooking the pass. I want to make love to you under the stars, like a Sentinel and Guide of old.”

~~~***~~~

The rest of the afternoon passed comfortably for the partners. They stopped at Thunder Creek and watched the glacier fed, turquoise water flow beneath the creaking wooden bridge scanning it. They sat side by side and ate their lunch of sandwiches and apples. They held hands as they steadily climbed a slope where they would camp for the night with a breathtaking view of the Stehekin pass.

By the time the campsite was set up and a small fire started, Jim was thoroughly tired as only a day out of doors can make you and Blair was exhausted. Jim made some coffee and handed Blair a steaming blue speckled metal cup.

“Thanks, nano.”

“You feeling alright, Chief? It’s okay to admit it if this was a bit much for you so soon after…”

“Jim! I’m just tired. It feels good to work out my muscles after all that time spent recovering. You’re gonna make those backpack dinners, right? Just add water? If you could dish those up, I’ll just rest for a few.” Blair surprised Jim by putting down his coffee and curling up into a ball. He rested his head on his hands and was asleep in seconds. Jim chuckled to himself and went to the tent to grab an extra blanket and his jacket. He went back to Blair, folding his jacket under his head for a pillow and covered him with the blanket. Jim picked up Blair’s coffee, intending to drink it beside his lover, placing a hand on Blair’s head as he listened to the birds telling a sleepy world that the day was ending.

Jim watched the colorful sunset as Blair dozed, then boiled water to make their dinner. They had bought the gourmet stuff, hoping it would taste better than plain mac and cheese. He prepared their tortellini with chicken and asiago cheese sauce. It smelled pretty good as Jim brought two bowls over to the rock that Blair was sleeping next to.

“Chief. Wake up. Dinner is served.”

Blair raised his head and looked around. He sat up and took the bowl from Jim’s hand. “Thanks. I feel great now.”

“No problem. At least I know I’m going to sleep well tonight. You know we haven’t seen anyone all day. It’s like we’re all alone on the top of the world.”

Blair took a good look around and smiled. “This is great. So is this food.” 

“Yeah, not bad.”

Blair scooted over till he was as close to Jim as he could be and still eat his dinner without clashing elbows. Jim stretched out his long jean-clad legs and flung one over his Guide’s ensnaring his similarly attired limbs in a tender trap. Blair hummed and let his head fall to Jim’s shoulder. They finished their bowls and set them aside for washing. There was a slender snow melt waterfall nearby providing them with sweet fresh water for drinking and bathing.

“After a little, I’ll grab the stuff to make S’mores. Right now I want to just enjoy being near you like this.”

“Nice,” Blair cooed. Then he lifted his head. “What are S’mores?” 

Jim turned his head and glared. “You’re kidding me, right? You never heard of S’mores?”

“No. Is it an army thing?”

“Chief! It’s a traditional American, red,white and blue, sitting around a campfire, boy scout thing! How could you have never heard of them?”

Blair squirmed a little under Jim’s amazed glare. “Look, I was never a boy scout. I’ve slept in a tent, a wigwam, a tree, a yurt, a car, a semi and a park bench. I was lucky if I had any food in my stomach at all. I never went camping for fun with my childhood friends or my old man because there were no friends or an old man around.”

Jim put an arm around Blair and pulled him close. He knew Blair had an unique childhood experience with Naomi, but had missed many things that kept him slightly apart from other American men like himself. It was almost like Blair was an observer of his own life. He hated thinking of Blair as a child sleeping rough or neglected while Naomi was off somewhere finding herself. It was a wonder Blair was as open and forgiving as he was.

“Chief, I was just kidding. I know your childhood was different than mine. I like the way you turned out. Don’t get upset with me. I am honored to be the the one to introduce you to a campfire culinary delight!”

“Well, they had better be good after the build-up you gave them.” A waxing gibbous moon was rising and Blair listened to the natural sounds around him. The waterfall’s soft melodic bubbling. An owl hooting, starting it’s hunt for the night. “Jim? Tell me what you hear.”

“This the test you promised to punish me with, Sandburg?”

Blair chuckled and patted Jim’s thigh. “No, Big Guy. You are out of the doghouse and off the hook about Caro. I just want to know. I mean it’s so quiet here.”

Jim cocked his head to allow himself to open up his sense of hearing, eager to appease his quirky scientist’s curiosity and thankful again for Blair’s forgiving soul. “It isn’t quiet at all. I can hear all your bodily functions whether I want to or not. The waterfall is as noisy as a punk rock band. There is sound all around me. Mice scurrying in the underbrush. Owls ruffling their feathers in the treetops. Two hikers, a man and a woman, have settled in their campsite about three or four miles away. The woman is singing, ‘Moon Dance,’ poor guy.”

Blair scrambled to his feet and began to dance around their small fire. He didn’t remember all the lyrics, but he remembered the tune and sang his la di das in a heartfelt, lively manner. 

Well, it's a marvelous night for a Moondance  
With the stars up above in your eyes  
La di da, la di da, la di dada  
La di da, la di da, la di da…

Jim was captivated by his lover dancing before him with the fire illuminating his flowing hair and blue, slightly glazed eyes. He listened as Blair’s soulful voice swept him away to another time and place. He had a vision of another Guide dressed in deerhide and bare feet dancing for his Sentinel’s pleasure under the moon in the firelight. The vision Blair was slightly different, as if time had etched another face on the same soul. Jim looked down at himself to see he was dressed in a loincloth and a leather vest with many bone and shell necklaces around his neck.

Can I just have one a' more Moondance with you, my love  
Can I just make some more romance with a-you, my love

Jim growled deep in his throat as Blair’s voice took him into the past. He stood and held Blair gently in his arms while he continued to ungulate and dance against him. ”Mine. My Guide. Dance only for me, Shaman.” Blair smiled shyly and wiggled free of Jim’s grasp. He danced around his Sentinel, shaking his head wildly so that his glowing curls were dancing all on their own.

One more Moondance with you in the moonlight  
On a magic night  
La, la, la, la in the moonlight  
On a magic night  
Can't I just have one more dance with you my love

Jim began to pant, his arousal so strong he felt like his mind was slipping away and all that was left was a pulsing need to gather his Guide and make love to that enticing body. He closed his eyes and let Blair’s song wash over him soothing and inflaming him at the same time. The song somehow had changed to a rhythmic chanting. Jim could hear the music of jingling shells bound around his Guide's ankles.

Blair was out of breath and stood before Jim with his arms stretched out entreating him to take him body and soul. “I am yours, and only yours, Sentinel.”

Jim pounced and tore at the buckskin covering his Guide. Blair stood still, breathing heavily with eyes closed and arms and legs spread far apart. The Sentinel licked, tasted, and scented his Guide, imprinting the essence of Blair and listening to his heart in order to synchronize his own to it. Blair moaned in pleasure as his Sentinel reached his groin and fumbled with strange cloth and bindings to get to bare skin. Jim whimpered like a wounded beast when he engulfed Blair’s cock in his hungry mouth and gloried in the array of primal sounds he could pull from his Guide. Blair soon moaned in completion and sank to his knees. The Sentinel picked him up before he could fall and laid him out on their blanket by the fireside. He held him tight and stroked his hair.

~~~***~~~

Slowly they both came back to themselves. Jim realized Blair was naked and cuddled close to him to keep him warm. He reached for the end of the blanket and wrapped it around his Guide as best he could without moving him. He looked around and realized that the strange cloth and bindings were Blair’s jeans, puddled with his other clothes and boots a few feet away. Jim’s loincloth was now his own jeans with a telltale wet spot on the front just below where Blair was now resting his hand. He looked down as Blair’s radiant face turned up to meet his sentinel’s puzzled frown. “Chief… what was that?”

“Everything is cool, my Sentinel. I think we experienced a past life regression, but we’re back now. Unless of course this,” he pointed to his satiated cock, “is what you meant by making S’mores.”

Jim threw back his head and laughed.

They snuggled and kissed till Blair started to shiver. Then after a very quick trip to the waterfall for a brisk cleanup of each other and Jim’s jeans, they pulled on their sweats and finally got around to S’more making.

Jim handed the first S’more to Blair and watched the interesting show of emotions in his expressive face. Hesitancy with a raised eyebrow turned to open mouthed ecstasy. Jim chuckled as he listened to the sensual moans of this camping buddy.

“Geez, Sandburg. Why don’t you marry it?”

Blair licked a stray bit of marshmallow off his lips, making Jim moan softly. “Too late. After tonight I’m pretty sure I’m married to you. Would you make me some more of those? Hey! I get it some more. S’mores. Clever these American boy scouts.”

Jim shook his head and loaded up his marshmallow stick. “Blair now that you mentioned marriage…”

“Oh, man. That was stupid. I mean I’d love to marry you someday, Jim. You are it for me, buddy. But I would never want to pressure either of us like that. I mean we haven’t even discussed how far out out the closet you want to be and…”

Jim blew on the next S’more to cool it then shoved it into Blair’s mouth.

“Blair, honey. That’s not what I wanted to talk about...” Blair chewed his dessert with his eyes cast down. Jim looked to the stars for strength. Why did he always hurt people he loved with his words? He swallowed hard and was determined to find the words he needed. He got down on one knee in front of Blair and took his hands in his own.

“Blair Sandburg. I love you more than life itself. I believe I loved you in the past and I’m sure I’ll love you in all our futures. I don’t have a ring or something for you to wear to show you’re mine and I’m yours. But I do have something to give you. I went to a lawyer and made you the sole benefactor in my will. It can’t be contested, and I made arrangements that you can keep the loft for up to two years after I’m… gone. There will be plenty of money in mine and my father’s estate so that you will never be without a home. I can’t marry you under the law, but I can marry you under these stars. Will you be mine forever?”

Blair looked at Jim, tears threatening to fall from his brimming eyes. “Jim. I don’t want your money. I want you. I pray that I’ll be right beside you when you go. Together till the end. But let’s not think about that right now. Yes, my Sentinel, my Jim. I’ll marry you. I’m yours, forever.”

Blair went down on his knees and embraced his lover. They kissed to seal their fate and hugged some more. A cool breeze whipped around the campsite, blowing dry leaves around them. Jim smiled and pulled a fluttering leaf from Blair’s curls. Suddenly he looked up.

“A wolf, Chief. Hear it howl? The sudden wind must have frightened it. It’s pretty close. Wow, there are at least two maybe a few more… and young pups whimpering and yapping. Sounds like they are in a cave or a rock crevice.”

Blair strained his own hearing. “Oh, man. I love wolves. Can we get closer? I want to hear them. It would be so cool to see a family of wolves. I read the North Cascades have a few families of grey wolf. They are native to this area." 

Blair stood, pulling Jim up with him. He took his hand and gazed at the moon hoping to hear the wolf howl again. "You know, I had an imaginary wolf as a friend when I was little. Naomi put up with him till one of her menfriends said I was delusional. They sent me to a therapist and Lupi went away. When I meditate he comes back sometimes. He is so beautiful with big blue eyes. A Shaman once told me he was my spirit animal. That since I knew him at such an early age I was destined to follow a path I would never be to persuaded to leave. Nothing would take my feet from the path… even therapy.”

Jim caressed Blair's palm with his thumb. His heart was touched by yet another bittersweet story of Blair’s youth. How could adults think it was okay to remove a boy’s imaginary friend and leave him alone in the harsh world? If his Guide wished to see a wolf, his Sentinel would take him and lead him in safety. “I’ll take you a little closer to the wolf den but you have to keep hold of my hand and stay with me the whole time.”

Blair whooped in excitement. Grabbed a flashlight and pulled on his socks and hiking boots in a flurry of perpetual motion. Jim chuckled as he pulled on his own boots, put out the fire and secured the campsite. The weather had changed and the evening had turned cool, but not uncomfortably cold. A wolf walk would be a wonderful way to end this perfect night. Then they could cuddle safely in each other's arms till the morning when the tent grew too warm for sleeping.

Jim stood silently as another sound found his ear. “We don’t have a lot of time, Chief. I hear thunder, maybe thirty miles off.”

Blair couldn’t hear the thunder in the far distance so he wasn’t worried. The unexpected storm might not even come near them. He focused his limited senses on following Jim in the dark without stumbling and trying to hear the grey wolves. Soon they broke from the trees and entered a meadow. The moonlight made the gently swaying spring wildflowers look like a sea of sparkling silver light. “There,’ Jim whispered as he pointed to a stony path leading up and out of the secluded valley.

Blair squinted his eyes and tried to see what Jim was pointing to, then a movement caught his eye. A shadow slashed with white stepped into the meadow and raised its head to the sky and howled. Blair caught his breath at the wondrous sight of a mature male grey wolf protecting his domain and his family.

“Don’t move, Blair. We are up wind. But it won’t take much to spook him.” Jim didn’t need to warn Blair. He was already silent and frozen in place. The wolf took a few more steps into the moonlight and sniffed the air. He looked right at Blair, two pairs of blue eyes met in recognition. “Lupi? Blair spoke the name like a prayer. “ Lupi. I’ve missed you, brother.”

Jim watched the wolf and Blair with a worried frown. The wolf lowered his head and crept slowly forward. Blair let go of Jim’s hand and made a move to enter the meadow. Jim grabbed his arm.

“Blair! What are you thinking? That wolf has cups nearby. It’s very dangerous. It’s not your old friend. Chief?”

Blair never ceased having eye contact with the wolf. “I… I… know it’s not my Lupi. but somehow I know him. He is my friend Jim! His eyes. I know those eyes.”

“He’s beautiful, honey. It’s rare for a wolf to have blue eyes, maybe you’re having another past life flashback or something like that. It’s certainly a night for visions. Just don’t get too close, okay?”

Blair nodded, but Jim wrapped his arms protectively around him anyway. The wolf stopped, panting slightly and howled. It walked closer to the partners raising each paw and putting it down in the soft earth slowly and cautiously. It stopped six feet from Blair and stared at him for a long moment. Jim tensed ready to push Blair out of harm’s way if the wolf so much as snarled. 

The wolf lowered its furry head and wagged its tail as if meeting a member of its own pack. Then it turned away with a playful jump and ran back to its den. Blair and Jim exhaled deeply and watched as the male wolf met its smaller, hesitant, brown eyed mate. The wolf pair nuzzled and growled, then seemingly disappeared into the rocks.

Blair gazed into the night where the wolf had stood. He felt Jim’s warm lips against his cheek. “Come on, Chief. Turn on your flashlight. It’s getting cold and damp out here. Let’s go to bed.” Blair nodded as Jim took his hand to guide him through the dark back to their tent.

~~~***~~~ 

Blair woke with a start and sat up. They had both fallen asleep as soon as they crawled into their joined sleeping bags, safe and warm. There didn’t seem to be anything wrong and Jim was softly snoring. Suddenly a light flashed outside and a loud thunder clap followed. Jim cried out in his sleep and covered his ears. “Jim. Jim wake up. Your hearing is wide open. You need to dial down.” Another flash and an even louder thunder clap had Jim screaming and Blair panicking. He placed his own hands over his Sentinel’s ears. Unable to use his guide voice or his hands he tried to wake him by rubbing his body over him and kissing his face. “Jim! Come on, man. It’s only a storm. A loud freaking storm, but just a storm. Wake up!” He kissed him and bit gently on his lips trying to annoy him awake. 

Blair thought the next crash was the loudest he ever heard. Lightning had hit a tree nearby and along with thunder that sounded like the end of the world, there was the crack and sizzle of dead branches being set ablaze as ozone and wisps of smoke filled the air around them. Blair covered his Sentinel with his whole body now to protect him from falling branches hitting the tent. 

Several more claps hit the campsite and Jim whimpered in pain. The storm finally moved on as torrential rain came down intermixed with hail. The sounds of hail hitting rock had Jim clawing at Blair who tried to keep him restrained. He didn’t need to be running in the dark after ex-ranger Jim Ellison in the middle of the storm of the century. Blair held tight as Jim thrashed in his zoned out sleep. Unlike when he zoned awake, Jim was violently trying to run away. Blair gave up holding his ears and went for his arms, Blair had already been hit several times with those muscular arms and dangerous elbows. He felt bruises blossoming on his face, arms and shins.

Soon the storm was fading in the distance and Blair gave thanks to heaven, the stars and moon that a tempestuous storm with terrifying thunder and lightning never lasted long. 

“Jim. Jim wake up, buddy. You’re okay. You are safe.” Blair got no reaction except for heartbreaking mewls of pain. “Jim! Can you hear me?” Jim had calmed down at least. If only Blair could wake him, even if he was temporarily deaf, they could deal with it. Blair began to gently tap at Jim’s cheeks and chest. He pinched his hand and was punched by a hard fist to the jaw. Blair was thrown across the tent as Jim sat up blinking and breathing hard. Blair struggled up on his elbow determined get back to Jim. 

Jim was shaking his head and rubbing his ears. “Chief? What’s going on?”

Blair tried to get up but fell back down. He raised his head fighting the ache in his head. “Jim. Can you hear me?”

Jim nodded. “It sounds like you’re in a tunnel. I can only make out a word or two. My ears are throbbing and ringing like I’ve been in an explosion.” His eyes opened wide as he really looked at Blair. “Shit! What happened? A bomb? Are you alright? Blair! Are you alright?”.

Blair sighed and crawled over to his worried Sentinel. He fell into his waiting arms and rested his head against his chest for a moment, glad that Jim wasn’t zoned anymore. “Jim,” he said with a clear tone. “You were asleep during a thunderstorm. You had your dials open all the way listening to natural sounds. It was really, really violent and loud, believe me. You wouldn’t wake up. Do you understand me?”

“Yeah, Chief. Your voice is cutting through the ringing. Almost like I can hear you in my head instead of through my ears. So, it was just a storm?”

“A crazyass scary storm, but yeah, just nature having her way with us. I think a tree exploded nearby. Hit by lightning. Are you in pain, nano?”

Jim smiled. “Not pain. My ears are sore and there’s a loud ringing still. Did you go out in the storm? Is that what happened to your face, Chief?”

Blair closed his eyes. He patted Jim’s arm. “I had to restrain you, Big Guy. You were asleep and you wanted to run away from the noise. Man! Are you strong!” Blair let his head fall against Jim’s rock hard pecs as he passed out.

Jim was appalled at what he had done. He held Blair tenderly in his arms as he tried to listen to his heartbeat. His ears were buzzing and he couldn’t even hear the waterfall outside. He tried to use his vision coupled with touch and discovered that his senses were gone. Aided only by his medic experience, he ascertained that Blair was simply knocked out by a sucker punch to his glass jaw. Jim felt like a failure as a Blessed Protector and a man. Not only did he zone on a thunderstorm, but he had beaten up the love of his life while asleep. He smoothed Blair’s hair and reassured himself that Blair had just passed out and would wake up soon. He made him comfortable in the sleeping bag and headed out of the tent to get some water on a washcloth to bathe his lover’s bruises.

The first light of dawn was creeping across the valley and up the mountain sides. Jim’s eyes opened wide as he saw the destruction around the camp. Several tree limbs were down and other debris lay scattered in puddles left in the crevices of rock around the campsite. The rushing waterfall was twice the size it was yesterday and near the edge an old man willow was scorched and torn in two by a lightning strike.

“Shit. It’s lucky we weren’t hit by lightning.” Jim placed a hand on the old tree as if to thank him for taking the strike and keeping the lightning away from them. He hurried back to the tent where Blair was stirring.

“Easy. Chief. I got a washcloth for your jaw. It’s going to be cold.”

Blair’s eyes blinked and he moved away from the cold, then changed his muzzy mind and rubbed his face in the refreshing cloth. He tried to focus on Jim’s face. “You okay, Big Guy?” Jim examined Blair’s pupils. Jim felt better that he didn’t have signs of a concussion.

“I think that’s my line, Chief. My senses are offline, but I think _you’re_ alright. You are going to have some colorful bruises, thanks to your wacked out Sentinel. Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”

Blair snaked a hand out from under the sleeping bag with some effort and patted Jim’s cheek. “None of that guilt crap. I’m just happy you didn’t run out into that storm. I’m a badass, Jim. I took you on and won, mostly. Of course you were asleep at the time. But still, I’m telling all the guys at MC when we get back that I took you down.”

Jim laughed and took Blair in his arms. “God, I love you, HoneyBlair. You are right I was having a major guilt fest.”

“I just hope your losing your senses is temporary. But it should be. Over use of one sense usually causes you big problems. Maybe we should head back. Do you think you’d rather be at home while your senses recover?”

Jim shook his head. “No. The peace and quiet is nice. But I think we should stay here another night. Maybe we’ll hear the wolves howl again.”

Blair nodded shakily, then moaned softly. Jim immediately reacted. “I’ve got some extra strength tylenol in the first aid kit. I’ll get it for you and you can go back to sleep. When you wake up again we’ll have breakfast.”

“That sounds good. But Jim, promise me you won’t go on another guilt trip. I want you to relax and give your senses a rest. As a matter of fact, forget breakfast for now. It’s too early. Come back to bed with me. I want my sleeping bag heater handy.”

“Demanding HoneyBlair.” Jim teased as he opened the first aid kit.

~~~***~~~

Blair was the first to wake up several hours later. He spent a little time checking out his jaw and cheekbone. Luckily he knew how to duck and didn’t end up with a swollen eye. Blair decided his condition wasn’t mint, but good over all. “Jim,” he whispered. “I gotta go drain the lizard. I’ll probably start the coffee too. Don’t worry about me, nano, go back to sleep.” Blair kissed him butterfly light on Jim’s unshaven, prickly cheek. Jim rolled over and grunted as Blair slipped out of the tent, with the backpack that held the breakfast things in hand.

It was a glorious day. The air was rainwashed and fresh. The birds were conversing loudly about the damage done to their trees by the storm. Blair felt sympathy for those who lost homes or nests due to the rain and hail. “I’m sorry, little guys. But you can rebuild. Detach with love, my mom always said.”

Blair relieved himself then walked to the waterfall to fill the coffee pot with water. He decided to make a skillet biscuit with sage and real bacon bits. He had mixed the ingredients at the loft and had them ready in a double wrapped plastic bag as a surprise for Jim who had begrudgingly agreed that he could live without bacon for a few days. All Blair had to do was start a fire, get out the skillet and add water to his mix. He may not have known about S’mores but he could feed a tribe on his flavor rich, one pan bacon and sage biscuit.

He saw the lightning struck willow and whistled. “Wow. That was close. It’s worth a few bruises to know I kept Jim safe last night. He’s not the only Blessed Protector around here. Poor old tree.” He patted the willow. “You’re a white willow, aren’t you old man? I think I’ll take a couple of your sucker branches and plant them in a pot at the loft. That way you’ll live on. I bet you make wonderful willow bark tea and I like really could use a natural pain reliever right about now.” Blair took some bark from the willow, making sure he peeled it down to the green layer where the most salicylic acid was found. 

There were lots of broken branches around the campsite so Blair didn’t have to go far for firewood. He filled the small fire pit with the dryest branches. Finding small bits of dry tinder was a little harder. He wandered into the woods and thought he heard a cry. He looked around and stopped to listen. He heard a sad little whine and a cry like a puppy’s. He followed the sound a few feet and hiding behind a boulder was a grey wolf pup, only a few weeks old.

“Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man! You must be one of Lupi’s pups. Don’t be afraid little guy, I’ll have you home in no time.” Blair picked up the pup and looked it over. He was shaking, wet and cold, but Blair could see no injuries. Blair felt his tiny ribs and the bones in his tiny paws.The puppy seemed to quiet down in the warmth of Blair’s hands. He looked in Blair’s eyes and relaxed as if the familiar blue eyes and shaggy hair reminded him of one of his own kind. He let out a squeak as Blair wrapped his sweatshirt around him and dried his fur. The pup wiggled towards Blair’s hair and started to lick his face. He settled on his neck under his hair and yawned. In a few minutes he was warm and fast asleep.

Blair sat on the boulder patting the wolf pup and taking a moment to enjoy looking at its markings and stroking its fine fur. The pup had just begun to grow some thick grey fur around its neck. Blair scratched at the fur and cuddled the little wolf close. Blair felt a strange sensation of being timeless and one with the forest. 

Blair wished for a moment that he could join the pup and live in the forest with the pack. He could use his knowledge of humans to keep the wolves thrive. But then he thought of Jim sleeping in the tent. They were just married. Jim would be lost without his Guide. If Blair became a wolf and disappeared, Jim would search the forest till he found him. No, better to be Jim’s family than to run with the pack.

Blair felt no fear of the male wolf he had met. He decided to return the pup before his Sentinel woke.

In the broad daylight, the wolf den was easy to find. He hugged the little pup one last time and placed him right outside the den. Blair would wait a few feet away and make sure the mother found him. He turned to find a snarling male wolf with blue eyes crouched as if ready for an attack. Blair slowly raised his hands and spread them. “Lupi. I bring back your pup. It was lost in the storm and wandered far from the safety of the den. You know I would never hurt one of yours.”

Behind him he heard another growl and a snuffling noise. Blair turned towards the pup and watched as the mother wolf checked her pup over, licking it and making a noise between a whine and a growl. Satisfied she took the pup gently in her mouth and lifted him. He seemed perfectly happy resting between the sharp teeth. She looked at Blair and made a small contented grunt to her mate. She turned and entered the den. Blair slowly began to walk away. The male wolf followed his every move. Blair’s foot slipped and he fell on one knee. He looked up at the wolf and found him sitting and wagging his tail. His eyes were bright and almost seemed amused. Blair smiled back. “Thank you, Lupi. May you and your kind be blessed for many moons to come.” The wolf stood and turned away to enter the den and check on his wayward son.

As Blair walked across the meadow bright with flowers of spring he had a vision of another Blair who lived in this forest and made friends with the wolves. He knew the other Blair would run with the pack under the full moon, but return to his Sentinel before dawn. 

~~~***~~~

Back at the camp, Jim had woken up and found that his senses were humming. The only problem was that Blair was not around. The fire was ready to be set ablaze, the coffee pot full and some bark was soaking in their smaller pot. The skillet was out and a plastic wrapped package was next to it. Jim sent out his sense of hearing carefully. The ringing was gone after curling up with his Guide and resting for several hours. His ears only felt sensitive, but not hurting. He searched the area for Blair’s heartbeat and found his voice.

_Thank you, Lupi. May you and your kind be blessed for many moons to come._

“Oh, God! He’s talking to that wolf!”

Jim took off at a run heading towards his Guide He met him just as he came to the near edge of the meadow. Jim didn’t slow down, but ran until Blair was safe within the circle of his arms.

“Chief. Oh, Chief. What did you do? You can’t wander off without telling me! Why did you do that? Did you have another vision. Honey, I was scared shitless when I heard you talking to that wolf.”

Blair rubbed his worried Blessed Protector’s back. “Shhhh, my Sentinel. Shhhh. I’m alright. I was in no danger from the wolves.”

Jim pushed Blair away just enough to take a good look at his eyes. “Chief are you here with me? Are you in another vision?”

Blair blinked up at Jim and wrinkled his brow, puzzled. Then his eyes opened wide and he grinned. “Oh, my Gods! I think I did have a vision. In a past life I ran with these wolves through the full moon nights in this very forest. I think I could changed into a wolf at will. I must have been a powerful Shaman. I cared for their wounds and played with their young. I brought them preserved game in the depth of winter to keep them away from the longhouses of my tribe. My old Sentinel didn’t like it when I did that, but he allowed it. You had the same fear then you have now. You were afraid I’d change permanently and leave you behind.”

Jim swallowed hard. He admitted to himself that he was afraid of losing Blair. “I...I changed my mind, Chief. I think we should go home. I think we need to get out of these woods.”

“Jim. You don’t understand. I'm in no danger. I found a wolf pup this morning by the campsite. I was gathering small sticks to start the fire when I heard him. I warmed him up and cuddled him and I just knew it would be safe for me to return him to his pack. I didn’t need to wake you. I’m sorry I scared you by leaving everything half done at the camp.”

“You returned a wolf pup to its den? Oh, gee whizz, buddy, what’s scary about that? Are. You. Crazy?” Jim shook Blair a little to emphasize his point. Blair grimaced and pouted. “Ow! Let go you big brute I got bruises there!” 

Jim pushed him away and started to pace then realized he was trampling the wildflowers and stopped. He turned back to Blair who was still smiling. “Chief. When I woke up my senses were fine. I guess I just needed to hold you for a few hours and get some real rest. Then I went outside the tent and I heard you talking to that big male wolf. I thought you were a dead man.”

“Jim, I’m so sorry I worried you. I guess I might have been having a vision of the past. I was convicted in my heart that Lupi wouldn’t harm me. The mother took the pup back and Lupi wagged his tail at me. I was never in any danger, I swear.”

“Promise me, honey. No running with wolves in this lifetime, okay? I bet that old Sentinel worried himself to death over the old you.”

Blair nodded. “I can deal with that. But I might get involved in the preservation of the grey wolf in the Pacific Northwest.” Jim hugged him again and kissed the top of his head. “That _I_ can deal with.”

“Listen Jim. I don’t want to go home. We just got married last night. This is like, our honeymoon, man. But maybe we should go back to the main office and look at the fishing campsites. You can rent fishing gear and canoes there. It will mean more people around and more noise, but we’ll still have privacy and it will be more relaxing for you.”

Jim sighed and gently caressed Blair’s bruised jaw. “Sounds like a plan. Let’s find out if we can get a salmon permit. Fresh caught salmon sounds mighty good. Does your jaw still hurt?”

“A little, nano. But I have some white willow bark soaking back at the camp. It’s a great natural pain reliever.”

The partners walked hand in hand out of the meadow and never saw the wolf pack watching them go as they played with their excited pups in the bright sunshine.

~~~***~~~

Jim and Blair prepared a feast for brunch out of their remaining food supplies since they would definitely head back to the more populated parts of the park. Jim had already decided to get back to his truck, make a pit stop at the general store and pick up some beer and ice to fill the empty cooler stashed in the back. They still had three days till they had to drive home.

They relocated to the Skagit River campsites and rented a canoe and fishing equipment. The moon was bright and full by the time they rested beside the fire, drinking beer, eating S’mores and talking. A used plastic bait bucket filled with water and white willow cuttings sat next to Jim’s cooler. Blair had written “White Wedding Willow” on the side with a sharpie borrowed from the Ranger’s station. Blair had everyone at the station enraptured by his exaggerated tale of the grey wolf pup and the exploding willow by the waterfall, innocently explaining away his bruises and winning some awestruck “wows” from several little kid campers.

Jim was staring into the campfire, one arm wrapped around Blair and one hand wrapped around his beer. Blair had his glasses on and was furiously scribbling in a journal. “What you writing, HoneyBlair?” Jim asked lazily. Blair looked over his glasses and smiled. “Just writing down everything that happened in the last two days. I want to remember everything about our wedding day. It certainly was unusual.” Jim smiled and began to play with his lover’s hair as he continued to write. He was feeling mellow and well loved. Blair stopped writing suddenly and replaced the cap on his pen. “There. Finished. Everything that happened up till now. I picked up one of those disposable Fun Cameras at the general store. I’m gonna take some pictures and make an album for us.”

“That’s great, HoneyBlair. But you know, if you really want it, we could have some sort of ceremony. Get dressed up in monkey suits, eat cake and shit.”

Blair chuckled. “What a romantic proposal, Ellison. Thanks but I’m very happy with how my Jim married me. And we have the white wedding willow as a symbol of our eternal love for each other.”

“As long as you’re happy, I’m happy, HoneyBlair. How about when same-sex marriage is legal in Washington State we renew our vows and have a big bash.”

“Long term plans? Sounds great, nano. Ummm. I have something I want to share with you, Jim. Something I wrote a little while ago. A poem.”

“Chief you said I was forgiven. Why am I still being punished?” Blair playfully punched Jim’s belly. “Ufff. Sorry, Chief I couldn’t resist, macho asshole that I am. I’d love to hear a poem you wrote. Is it a love poem?”

“Sort of. It’s about trust. Listen and we’ll talk about it, okay?” Jim nodded as butterflies fluttered in his stomach. This couldn’t be good. Blair opened his journal to a marked page and cleared his throat.

Trust

In the dark deep night of a Winter’s day  
I ponder thoughts that happen my way.  
Warm by your side, yet a chill draft comes  
Making me think of the nature of love.

I do not trust that we will be perfect  
That our love we will never reject.  
I know we are human and likely to fall  
If put on a pedestal haughty and tall.

I do not trust that we will never fail  
Our bodies are wicked and tend to be frail.  
The best intentions come crashing down  
When piled by two lovers and sloppily bound.

Trust can be a most flighty thing.  
Trust hovers about on flimsy wings.  
One thing we know, there can be no doubt  
We trust in each other to work things out.

Jim looked into the fire as he absently peeled the label on his beer bottle with his thumb. He didn’t look at Blair as he said, “That’s beautiful, Chief. And I think I get it. You’re saying that being perfect and never making a mistake isn’t what trust is between two people that love each other.”  


Blair nodded slowly. “Yes. And that if you’re honest about your faults, a partner needs to be okay with them turning up now and then. Too many couples know each other’s problems and then goes ape shit when those problems surface. The important thing is to be willing to change, never stop trying and overcome those problems together.”

Jim let out a deep sigh. “I probably will still be afraid you’ll leave me and always be waiting for you to hurt me. I don’t trust anyone to stay with a crazy ass freak like me.”

Blair came closer and kissed Jim’s cheek. “The way I was brought up, there were wonderful things about it and my Mom. But I know I don’t know how to be stable, settled. I don’t know what a home is. The concept of having a place you belong is foreign to me. I hear other people talk about their childhood memories and I feel like an alien. It makes me afraid to put down roots. I’m scared to death that you will find out how utterly lacking I am as a human being. Always on the outside observing life but not really living it. I'm also afraid that this commitment we've made is just a wonderful fantasy and you'll abandon me someday soon.”

Jim turned and looked at Blair’s open honest face in the firelight. His heart swelled with the thought that this brilliant, exceptional, person was committed to him. Loved him and put him above everything even his own insecurities.

“I guess we are more alike than we ever imagined. I want to give you that home, Chief. I want to be your rock where you can always find your footing. I do trust that between the two of us, we can work out anything.”

Blair took off his glasses and put down his journal. He climbed into Jim’s lap and took his face in his hands. His wide blue eyes pierced Jim’s very soul. “I love you, Jim. Forever.”

“Forever, Blair and beyond.” They kissed as the moon hung high in the sky. Miles away, the wolves began to howl.

~~~***~~~

Epilogue

Jim packed the sockeye salmon Blair had caught in the cooler wrapped in plastic and nested in a bed of ice. Jim’s slightly bigger fish was last night’s delicious dinner. And dessert was even better as Jim had finally make love to Blair completely for the first time since Brackett. Jim was the one howling at the moon as the Sentitel bonded with his Guide. As he held a spent and content Blair in his arms. He knew with absolute certainty that body, heart and soul, Blair was his and he was Blair’s.

Jim looked around the campsite to make sure he had everything packed. The only thing that seemed to be missing was Blair. He didn’t see him, so he turned his hearing dial up. Jim listened carefully for Blair’s heartbeat and when he found it, he grew concerned because it was racing. Jim started to trot towards the shore of the Skagit River.

He heard Blair gasp, then call out an anxious, “OhmyGods!OhmyGods!OhmyGods!” Jim ran till he spotted his Guide by the river bank covered with dripping black mud and staring at something cradled in his hands. Blair looked up in wide eyed excitement and shouted, “Jim! Jim! I found an artifact! Some sort of tool made of obsidian. Ouch! Jim! It’s still sharp! I wonder what it was used for? I wonder how old it is? Where are my glasses? Jim have you seen my glasses? I need my journal. Jim do you have a pencil?”

Jim turned away, shaking his head in amusement. Behind him Blair kept up a one sided, geeky dialog about his find. Jim got in the truck, rustled around for Blair’s trail mix and started to pick out the M&M’s. 

_Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Yes! Yes! Oh. Yes! Jim I found another one! Ooooooo! Jiiiiiiiim!_

Jim popped an M&M in his mouth as he listened to his little Anthropologist have an orgasm over a rock.

**Author's Note:**

> The original poem _Trust_ was written by Blair Sandburg. (But in the Real World it was written by Mo Mosher aka mvernet. Go figure.)


End file.
